Franchising

Become a Certified Human and Humanoids Appraiser

 

Are you looking for a fun new career, with great pay*, great friends, flexible hours, and minimal out-of-pocket upfront cost? Consider becoming a certified human and humanoids appraiser!

Our family is growing and we are always looking for new talent. Fill out the quick and easy form below, and we will be in touch soon to see if this field is right for you!

*base salary will be paid in units of virtual perfidy emoticons, which our legal team has asked us to clarify is not the same thing as digital currency or promissory notes, and may not be recognized by your regular financial institution and cannot be used as legal tender for debts public or private.

Do you qualify?

 

“Shhh. No, we don’t pay for downloading images either, but I think someone might be listening, so let’s talk about it later.”

Am I an Apple or Mayor McCheese?

Finding the Right Pants for Your Body Shape

Match Your Body Shape to One of These Insulting Diagrams!

Mayor McCheese

Calculate waist to hip ratio to find the right pants to flatter your body shape without landing you on the fashion don’ts page!

I know, with the fruit-to-waist conversion charts, swiftly changing trends, and vanity sizing, finding clothes that fit your body type is confusing and hard!

Technology has advanced to give us smart wearables to custom fit your clothes, but they can be pricey, and there is just not an established return on that investment yet.

So for now, I want you to get back to the basics!

Focus on stocking up on simple, classic silhouettes that never go out of style, and work on pretty much every body type. Don’t go too big though! Everyone knows oversized makes you look like you’ve given up, and you don’t want to end up on the fashion don’ts page!

Okay, get internet click and shipping, because we still have a lot of work to do! I wish I could be there to personally help all of you find the perfect fit, but here’s a wiki tutorial on calculating waist-hip ratio in case you get lost in the virtual fitting rooms.

No.

Working Out in Jean Shorts

Shape Your Body like it is 1992 and Radu is your personal trainer. You are wearing jean shorts. He is wearing windpants. No tradesies.

No excuses. Everyone has ten minutes.