Crossfit and Cross-promotion #3

Do you get the sense like I do that this kid had it all figured out?

Sorry, sorry I will get back to these soon, but I excel only at working on many things and nothing all at once. I assume everyone is sleepy and full of fried turkey anyway.

June 28th: She’s Been Married Seven Times Before

Second Verse, same as the first:

Henry VIII was born today in 1457. Flemish painter Sir Peter Paul Rubens was born on June 28, 1577. Violinist Stefi Geyer was born in Budapest on June 28, 1888. Heir presumptive Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated today in 1914, igniting factor of World War I. Coincidentally, the Treaty of Versailles was signed exactly five years later, officially calling an end to the war.

I can’t believe this was on primetime television, and that people screamed for it.

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Think Outside the Take-Out Box

As you get ready to settle into your weekend, I want you to take some time for menu planning for next week. I know take-out is quick and convenient but with oversized portions and unknown ingredients, it’s not so great for your wallet or your waistline!

Try to bring lunch from home 4 out of 5 days next week. With some grocery store initiative and a little bit of Sunday prep, you can do this!

Avoid the pre-packaged items, and focus on simple, nutrient-rich whole foods. It doesn’t have to be hum-drum! With drive-up, drop-off, and on-the-fly grocery services, the ideas for dressing up your meals are endless!

For example, you can get a whole fried turkey mailed directly to you for a little more than $100!

If you are more of a DIY’er, you could also just buy a whole turkey at the grocery store, and purchase one of these bad boys this weekend, and boom! You’ve got meals for the entire week!

I hope your family likes poultry!

Okay, now we’ve got food covered for the week, I also want to remind you to stop reaching for those sugar-sweetened (or even worse the artificially-sweetened!) beverages. Those should have no place in anyone’s diet.

But, I get it, water gets boring. Fortunately for you, there is a multitude of options to have kegs of beer delivered right to your door!

If you start consuming your fermented drinks by the barrel, there are deep savings to be made! According to one source that I completely did not verify or make any sort of effort to confirm, the average beer drinker can save 40–60% by buying kegs instead of cans or bottles! You can recoup the cost of a kegerator in as little as ten barrels! What is that, like less than 6 months??? Act now, and don’t forget to invest those savings into your #crypto account!

Then pour yourself another draft, sit back, and stay loose!

No Breakfast for Me,Thanks

You probably remember the late 1980’s when Joan Collins tried to teach us we needed shoulder pads to look and feel tough. But there’s a better, sleeker, modern way to tell the world not to fuck with you, balance out your shoulder- to-hip ratio, and channel your inner Audrey Hepburn!

Better Than a Little Black Dress

Tell the world you’re classy and packing, and that you won’t be meeting them for breakfast. Breakfast is for weaklings.

Shop Tiffany blue guns here!

Multi-Level Marketing and You

Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash
Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash

Over the next few weeks, we will cover “staging,” and your personal brand, as well as how to increase your social media presence, but for now, let’s open another bottle of wine and focus on the low hanging fruit.

Seriously, you are going to need to pretend to have interests. Dieting and watching The Real Housewives don’t count.

You could start with the usuals

#Yoga

#Biking

#Hiking

#Learning the pros and cons of kitchen tiling (but more than just watching HGTV)

#Find and discuss your Myers Briggs personality type. People are very interested!

Or you could use this personal development time to dip your toes into the easy money income streams known as Multi-Level Marketing!

Seriously, people love hearing about your new side hustle, they love being invited to these sorts of events, and they love being recruited to get down in the sales trenches with you!

They love being tricked into going to sales pitches at your house when they think they are showing up for movie night, and they reallllllllly love meeting in conference rooms early Saturday mornings to support your new business venture at midrange hotels near the airport.

Also, as a guest at a Tupperware party in 2004, I nearly got the lights punched out of me. But that’s a story for another time. Let’s just say it’s not always as formulaic as those profit charts might have you think!

Just make sure you don’t squander this opportunity for finding a niche to give you some je nais se que! The sky is the limit! Learn how to carve soap, eat competitively, or file lawsuits recreationally.

I recommend starting some inspiration boards. I like Pinterest because it is an easy, fun way to keep track of your lies and meet new friends who share your feigned interests!

Wikihow, Youtube, amateur message board experts, and I will all be with you every step of the way! Seriously, we are rooting for you!

Working Out in Jean Shorts

Shape Your Body like it is 1992 and Radu is your personal trainer. You are wearing jean shorts. He is wearing windpants. No tradesies.

No excuses. Everyone has ten minutes.