Become a Certified Human and Humanoids Appraiser
Are you looking for a fun new career, with great pay*, great friends, flexible hours, and minimal out-of-pocket upfront cost? Consider becoming a certified human and humanoids appraiser!
Our family is growing and we are always looking for new talent. Fill out the quick and easy form below, and we will be in touch soon to see if this field is right for you!
*base salary will be paid in units of virtual perfidy emoticons, which our legal team has asked us to clarify is not the same thing as digital currency or promissory notes, and may not be recognized by your regular financial institution and cannot be used as legal tender for debts public or private.
Do you qualify?
Accepting your agony questions on any subject, and maybe I will write an answer post. Submit your question using this form below (I won’t use any names or email addresses in the post. In spite of what I say, it is never my goal to make anyone other than me the butt of a joke). Also, don’t send me pictures of butts.
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Over the next few weeks, we will cover “staging,” and your personal brand, as well as how to increase your social media presence, but for now, let’s open another bottle of wine and focus on the low hanging fruit.
Seriously, you are going to need to pretend to have interests. Dieting and watching The Real Housewives don’t count.
You could start with the usuals
#Learning the pros and cons of kitchen tiling (but more than just watching HGTV)
#Find and discuss your Myers Briggs personality type. People are very interested!
Or you could use this personal development time to dip your toes into the easy money income streams known as Multi-Level Marketing!
Seriously, people love hearing about your new side hustle, they love being invited to these sorts of events, and they love being recruited to get down in the sales trenches with you!
They love being tricked into going to sales pitches at your house when they think they are showing up for movie night, and they reallllllllly love meeting in conference rooms early Saturday mornings to support your new business venture at midrange hotels near the airport.
Also, as a guest at a Tupperware party in 2004, I nearly got the lights punched out of me. But that’s a story for another time. Let’s just say it’s not always as formulaic as those profit charts might have you think!
Just make sure you don’t squander this opportunity for finding a niche to give you some je nais se que! The sky is the limit! Learn how to carve soap, eat competitively, or file lawsuits recreationally.
I recommend starting some inspiration boards. I like Pinterest because it is an easy, fun way to keep track of your lies and meet new friends who share your feigned interests!
Wikihow, Youtube, amateur message board experts, and I will all be with you every step of the way! Seriously, we are rooting for you!